Where Are We Going?

I have relied on my dominant side for so long, I don't know who I am anymore.

Who am I when I am not helping others?

Venus is retrograde now, which means it's time for re-analyzing and re-evaluating our loves, all our relationships, with people and all the things we love in our lives.

If this sounds stilted, it's because I'm basically writing with my left hand, so to speak, and my intuitive eye. I'm writing from a place where I'm not convinced of anything, and not particularly inspired to write. I'm not feeling particularly magnanimous today. It's a place that I'm not used to. Recently I've been so used to glowing, to having all the answers, and being the light for everyone else. But what about being the light for myself?

--
I told my friend S last night about the "dude/bra" conversations that I'm so used to having. Like yesterday, at the meat counter at Whole Foods, where they make a mean smoked beef brisket, and a killer pulled pork sandwich. Of course, amongst such meaty beefiness, the conversation instantly turned to manly things. As my compadre behind the counter started singing along with the AC/DC track blaring over the speakers, me and Asian Dude went into a tirade of how Rockband doesn't have much of our favorite songs- AC/DC, Alice Cooper, Twisted Sister, and Slaughter. I love Alice Cooper and "Feed My Frankenstein", but haven't played the CD for years. I like Twisted Sister's Stay Hungry- especially "We're Not Going to Take It!", but almost purely for the tongue-in-cheek laughter aspect. I don't even like Slaughter anymore - why did I just automatically run that line? Why does so much "bro" conversation seem like we are having to bring backup evidence to the table to prove that we are cool? And why is it so mechanically automatic?! It's the "dude/bra" reflex!

Two days ago, I got called a "bitch" as a compliment. And then I got called "sweetheart" twice yesterday, by two strange men. I was fuming! Don't EVEN presume to know me! What makes you so sure that *I* am a sweetheart?! Do I LOOK sweet? I know it was probably meant well, Or rather, that it was unconscious on their part. Why do they have to project their sweet Other onto me?

My guides two nights ago turned fierce and no-holds-barred with me. Who says our spirit guides have to be nice to us? Who says they even have to help us or guide us? Did we all sit down and create and decide together?

My brain is swimming. I am so confused. I don't know what the hell is going on! I feel so high right now, and I know I haven't smoked any chronic. What do you people want from me anyway?! What do I want? I stumble to the gas station to go buy some cigarettes- which I originally said I wouldn't do. I know that they are a crutch, but dammit, I want a crutch right now! I can barely see straight.

But really-- what is going on??! Everything feels weird and new. The energy is so high, just buzzing around our planet. Everyone is hitting these crises and major choice points in their lives. There's a fork in the road, and a river growing and rising. The forces working on overcoming our own resistance our growing. Can you feel it? We're being pushed to or beyond our limits, so that we can grow - grow far beyond what we can even imagine! Our system is breaking down, because it was not working. To make room for the new.

It's time for some shadow work.

--
We've all been relying on our dominant sides for too long - whether we are left-handed, right-handed, man, woman, or in-between. That is a huge part of the crossroads we find ourselves at right now. We've been living our lives according to what everyone tells us we "should" do. So we don't know how to swim when we're in the murky water. This is new territory! We don't know what to do, when we don't know what to do! We are so used to knowingly knowing what to do. That's our forte as humans! We are stewards, achievers, doers! Look inside and tell me it's not true! Our insides have been assimilated and co-opted! I have already prayed for the world and helped remove everyone's disrupting influences, but now we each have to do the work now to see what else is there. Even as we remove the ego mind, we see how that the ego mind has become our society. School tells you what to do; work tells you what you must do; church, magazines, the media. Everywhere you hear voices but your own! Where is your voice represented? Who said we have to conform to the world? Why not the world conform to us?

Those old templates, old routines, old tapes don't work anymore. They are broken. It's time to throw out the mold and the rulebook. Unlearn what you have learned. Forget what everyone told you. Forget the past. Forget what you have learned. Use the violet flame and laughter to transmute this! Everything is New now. Everything is holy now! (like Faith Rivera sings). It's all up to you, and it's all possible. No- "Well, I can't do this because this and this...". No more excuses! Get over it! And just do it. Even trying is better than not. You don't have to clean your room before you write. You don't have to write in order to put something on television. Fill in the blank!

The Divine Feminine - the secret recessive sides of our nature- has been repressed for so long as unnecessary. Bear with me here, this is universal; I know this can seem like a cliche of cliches. But it sounds like that because it a message that so many have tried to get across, for aeons; we haven't been hearing it; but we are now. How many times have you been told that the arts don't matter - that dance and art and music and education and fun are "less" important than work and jobs and being productive?? You've been told that dreams are impractical; that goals are useless; that you need to sit down and shut up; be seen and not heard; be nice; play nice; or be mean and tough! The list of programming goes on and on. Make a list if you want to, of all the things you've been told to do, "should do", must do, have to do... All the "rules"!

Here's the universal story, that you can adapt to your own life. Tell me it's not true!

You had a childhood that was so fun in so many ways! You have dreams! You grow up. You have issues with your parents. They had issues with you. "Go to school, get a good job, forget about your dreams, you can't pursue them anymore." Abuse abuse abuse. Painful child and teenage years. No one understands you. You don't understand yourself. You live recklessly and rebel. You go through school and get jobs, work, career. You from friendships and relationships; some of them come and some of them go. You settle down for a while. Maybe even make a family. Perhaps you divorce and move on. You search, and you keep walking. Yet you still want more. You want to find your true calling! People try to keep you down, out of their own fear. They try to talk you out of your dreams, and think of all the reasons why not. Maybe you even try to talk yourself out of doing what you want, because it's been "proven" not to work. You build your own barriers to achieving what you want.

Seriously though. What's the point of talking yourself out of doing what you want? We're Really Not Going to Take it Anymore! I am shaking you by the shoulders. I am serious! What is the real satisfaction in NOT living your passion? Desire and passion and joy are the real joy in life; everything else is just faker poseur imitations! We all do this stupid shit, because that is what we have been told to believe and conditioned to do. We have all been following the templates we have been given.

Once you learn that you have the power and freedom to do anything you want, the world crumbles. Limitations fall apart. This can be disconcerting at first, and a lot of fear, doubt, and anxiety can settle in. But faith can banish that! My Dark Night of the Soul has had me prostrated and shaking, but when you have nothing and feel worthless, then you realize your true worth. When you know nothing and have nothing to cling to anymore - no crutches - you realize that you are infinitely valuable beyond what any words could express. We mean something just being alive, perceiving, and witnessing. Even if that meaning is just to ourselves! Our souls and being are vast, and can't be limited by any such puny human concept as "worth". As Marsh posted today, "God, use me, use my life. I know there is a vision for life that is greater than my imagination can hold." - Oprah Winfrey

You ARE enough! (Thanks Joan!)

--
There is nothing wrong with desire. There is nothing wrong with you! You are on the right perfect path for you. If you think that there is something wrong with you, you can remember that there was someone who died on a cross specifically as redemption for the world's sins. For everyone- no one's excluded. You can believe that even if you're not a Christian. But don't listen to anyone else who tells you that you, or anything about you, are bad or wrong. The only person you have to answer to is YOURSELF and your conscience. A very strict guide -- and answer you must! Your desire is perfect- an essential part of who you are. Everything about you is OK! Otherwise, why would it exist? God and the Universe are pretty efficient, at least at this dimensional level of existence. Everything exists for a reason, and everything has meaning. You must forgive yourself for what you have done, and move on! Now you just have to find your deepest desire -- and DO something with it! Stop hiding, or thinking that you are either too good or not enough.

Start! The world needs your unique talents NOW. I know this. You know this. There is a job in the Universe, in the ALL, that only YOU can do. What is it??!

As Dolly Parton sings, "You better get to Livin'!"

Prove all the naysayers wrong. "Definitely keep attempting to do all the things you'd like since you are not going to fail!" - Debora Wayne

If there was an unlimited word for "unstoppable" or "limitless", you would be it. See what a deep need for healing our world has?! We don't even have a word in our language for the concept of "infinity" without referring to limits.

Wait! Perhaps we do. The new word for being without limits *is* "YOU"... It is "God" and "the All"...

--
Now with this planetary earth Ascension, we are ALL merging together as One, and have the incredible right, responsibility, and privilege to consciously create our new, improved, reborn Home- with Source, exactly as we all want it-- together. There is no "I help you, you help me". We all help each other. We may not *need* each other, but having others makes life so much better and richer. There is no separation. We are all in this together, and Love binds us together. This may feel weird at first. Especially if you haven't opened to your own love or that real love of or from Others lately. I've been having long conversations with people I've never met, apparent "strangers"; hanging out with folks I've never met before. Many of you know how extremely shy and socially anxious I have been in the past. But you know what? It is so easy. We are all human. We all have stories. And we all have new stories to make. It's so easy and necessary to relate to each other. Plus (by the way!), it's fun!

And it's your job to help make the new. Help us make a New World of our creation, of our making. Not blindly following an old, dysfunctional model that we inherited from our parents, and from their parents' parents. A new world is possible, and it is now.

It's time for men, women, and ALL of us to embrace our Others- whether they are mean, scared, happy, bitchy, aggressive, cold, distant, freaky, fun, flaky, overbearing, smug, or complacent. We are so weak unless we fully embrace and encompass all of our full beings. We've slowly integrated parts of our being - our Inner Child, our spirits, our emotions, our mind. NOW we have to address that huge major split between the two parts of our being, which mirrors the split in our world and our existence. Masculine and Feminine. This is not a sociological gender issue! It's a METAPHOR about our dominant and non-dominant sides.

--
Yes, I know this piece has taken on that "helping" attitude again.

"Didn't you say that you were trying to explore your NON-dominant side, and NOT help people?" Well, like all the good stuff, this is a little more complex than that. This, my core love is spreading Love and light, and helping re-create the New Earth. This mission remains, as whether I approach it from the right or left side.

I have been approaching it from the dominant side of just reflexively radiating all this out, giving and burning out at the expense of myself, as the world says we must give... burn out at our jobs, work till we retire, and then die. But we are not expendable! So I write this to save myself, help myself, nourish myself. That is the feminine side coming in. The voice of our Earth sister, Terra/Gaia's voice is now blending with that

Exploring our Other/feminine/recessive/nondominant/alternate/shadow side is just a method, another technique for reaching completion and wholeness of our own internal and external selves.